Not what I expected June 3, 2011

I have two children. I always assumed I would eventually be a mom. I also assumed they would come into the world in the “usual” way… like you see on tv. I would bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night, jerk a slumbering husband awake, and rush off to the hospital to scream and curse until a cuddly baby who looks to be at least three months old gets placed in my arms, and done! (Wait… what do you mean there’s something else to push out?!)

 

I have always assumed I don’t have a very high pain tolerance, so I would obviously go for whatever pain killers were available, even if I had to endure the icky business of needles and being hooked up to machines.

 

When my husband and I got pregnant with our first we got as prepared as possible and I learned all I could about childbirth. I had the usual apprehension of facing this unknown, but my prenatal care was AMAZING and through talking with my midwife we settled on a birth center option with transfer to a hospital if wanted or needed. Needles really freak me out and since that was the only kind of pain I had history with, as opposed to pushing a baby out, I went with being in an environment where basically my only option was to do it naturally. It sounds weird, but when it came down to it, the idea of sitting in a room where there were all kinds of opportunities to be poked and hooked up gave me more anxiety then just trying to see if I could get through labor without all that stuff staring at me.

 

Our little man opted for an even more non-medical setting and decided to be born at home, on our bed, after BOTH my husband and I pushed for five hours (yes, I said five). Childbirth really wore Darin out.

 

Anyways, my point is, my first childbirth experience was totally not what I was expecting and for someone who has always believed she has a super low pain tolerance (based on my phobia of needles and any kind of medical procedure…really, I am a bit embarrassing to be around when my blood is being drawn) I figured it would be the same for giving birth. I was the most surprised out of anyone that I actually pushed a whole other human being out of my body without any kind of pain killers. (Sarah did what?!)

 

Skip to about seven months later and I’m staring at another set of pink lines. I immediately call my midwife and start preparing, from the beginning, another home birth. Our little girl was born in a birthing tub in our living room (this time the pushing phase dragged on and on for a whole….. 39 minutes!).

 

So here I was, standing on this side of two non-medicated home births. Some more time goes by and even though I am so grateful for these two baffling experiences, since they fly in the face of my previous pain tolerance assumptions, I don’t really know what to do with them. Every time I think about the births of my children and look at pictures or video I am still in awe of both events. One thing that sticks out though is the wonderfully supportive team who surrounded Darin and I as we welcomed each of our little people into the world. Their encouragement and grace, the strong sense of their “abiding with” me through each contraction, their confidence and gentleness… I think contributed a HUGE part in how my birth experiences played out.

 

One day I’m doing my usual caring for these two little people and not feeling very useful otherwise. I start asking God what I could do to make more of a contribution to the world in this season of life besides raising these cute kids. I start thinking about how they came into the world and the people who helped me through that process and the Lord revealed to me that perhaps I could pursue being the same kind of blessing. I believe it was God who orchestrated the births of my children and put just the right people in my path and even delayed our getting over to the birth center in time so we could discover that being at home really was the best place for me to give birth.

 

I immediately think…that’s crazy! I can’t be in the room when another person is dealing with, most likely, the most intense pain they’ve ever felt. I remember even telling that to my doula when she came to check on me two days after my son was born. “How can you handle being with someone going through that much pain?” She had this euphoric expression on her face and basically said being a doula is as much of a blessing to her as she hopes she is to laboring women.

 

The thought still nags me after a few weeks, so I ask a friend who became a doula after having her first child if I could come along to a birth she is planning on attending a month or so away… just to get a better idea of what all being a doula involves. I get the text late at night and join my friend and her gracious clients at a local hospital and, despite my assumptions on what I think I can handle concerning blood and sutures and trying to sooth someone who looks to be in intense anguish, I find myself holding her leg up while watching in wonder as her son is being born and not at all feeling like I was going to freak out or faint. It. Was. Amazing.

 

After that experience I signed up for my doula training and completed it this last March. I’m currently in the process of being certified. It’s not necessary to be certified to be a doula. I’ve just decided it’s something I would like to work towards. Since my class finished I have attended the home birth of a dear friend and am “on call” to attend two more births this summer. I’m still kinda in shock that I’m doing this but I was also shocked that I got through my own births. This was not a road I had previously saw myself on at all, but now it seems… well, natural.

 

The reason I have pursued doula-ing is not because I want to push other women into having non-medicated home births like me. I cherish the memories of the births of my children and that’s the goal of a doula, “to help protect a woman’s memory of the birth of her child” …no matter what the expectant mom wants for her birth (even if her ideal is different from what I would do), that’s what her doula will encourage her towards. Other women are totally comfortable in a hospital setting and ok if they get to a point where they want intervention. A doula is simply there to encourage a laboring woman in whatever goals and hopes that woman has for her birth.

 

I feel I truly got that experience with the births of my children. My labor support team (midwife and assistant, doula, and husband) all understood my hopes and fears, my goals, and my wishes and we all held on to those together to create two of my most cherished memories.

 

So here’s the plug. Having a doula was such a blessing to me and my husband. I thank God for having our paths cross so I could be a recipient of her excellent care and encouragement during my labors. Now that I’ve been in her shoes a few times I see what a blessing it is to bless others this way. I would love to be a blessing to other women who are seeking the kind of care a doula can provide. I’m not looking for this pursuit to become a full time job as I do have a primary job of raising my still very small children but if the timing works out I would be happy to offer my services to others in Seattle welcoming in new life.

 

 

 

 

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