A Mother’s Prayers August 1, 2010

and I would add fathers as well but since the quote is mainly about mothers…

“I am sure that, in my early youth, no teaching ever made such an impression upon my mind as the instruc­tion of my mother; neither can I conceive that, to any child, there can be one who will have such influence over the young heart as the mother who has so tenderly cared for her offspring. A man with a soul so dead as not to be moved by the sacred name of “mother” is creation’s blot. Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother. Certainly I have not the powers of speech with which to set forth my valuation of the choice blessing which the Lord bestowed on me in making me the son of one who prayed for me, and prayed with me. How can I ever forget her tearful eye when she warned me to escape from the wrath to come? I thought her lips right eloquent; others might not think so, but they certainly were eloquent to me. How can I ever forget when she bowed her knee, and with her arms about my neck, prayed, “Oh, that my son might live before Thee!” Nor can her frown be effaced from my memory—that solemn, loving frown, when she rebuked my budding iniquities; and her smiles have never faded from my recollections— the beaming of her countenance when she rejoiced to see some good thing in me towards the Lord God of Israel.” –Charles Spurgeon  The Early Years 1834-1860 Volume 1

Besides Darin these are the two people I pray for the most.

In fact, I know I pray for them more than I pray for my own husband (something I’m continually working on), perhaps because I interact and have many reasons and reminders throughout my day to bend a knee on their behalf…and on my behalf for their sake.

They are our legacy and a picture, in many ways, of fruit of Jesus’ work in Darin and I. They are a blessing and raising them is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I praise Jesus we don’t have to rely on our own strength and wisdom in guiding them into adulthood and I know the times I have despaired and thought, “it’s all on me to make sure you both turn out ok”….those have been the moments where discipline and/or grace have stumbled and bit it in a big chaotic mess.

I know my prayers are heard. I know He sees my heart when I cry out for them to be caught up in His Irresistable Grace at a young age and for them to follow His leading all the days of their lives and that all the days of their lives would be MANY and filled with good works and fruit as they build on our legacy and JOY…lots of joy.

 It is very difficult to pray for their faithfulness through any trials they may face because I fear for those trials. I know they will have at least some but I’m still working through the selfish part of me that wants to keep them untouched by pain and fear. I just want them to grow and flourish without the pruning. That is not the life God calls His children to. I think if I pray for their faithfulness through trial I have somehow prayed for trials to come to them. (It’s kinda like not making out a will because you fear you will die soon after).

I pray for their salvation. I praise Him when I see fruit. I pray that my being their mother is more of a blessing rather than a hindrance to their knowing and loving Jesus. I pray for my willingness to hold them in an open hand and trust the Lord to lead them throughout a life He has deemed filled with the most purpose for them and His kingdom. He knows they are precious to me and what I find the most comfort in is that He loves and cherishes them infinitely more than I ever could.

Entitlement and Motherhood March 31, 2010

This is whats been going through my head most often these days. In light of the subject matter I might break up my thoughts in several posts. It would be ironic if I felt justified in sitting here typing away about entitlement while my little ones needed my attention. Also these thoughts are only a pondering on whats going on in my own head and heart and not intended to be a commentary on how all mothers currently or should feel.

Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. — 1st Timothy 2:15

Now I know my salvation does not actually hinge on whether or not I have given birth but having done so twice I see the wisdom in this verse as I struggle to raise up these two precious people the Lord has placed in my care. Becoming a mother has catipulted my understanding of sacrifice much further than any missions trip or service project I’ve been involved with. The ongoing sanctification I’ve been experiencing since Jesus chose me has never seen such pull and drive as what is needed to train up children the way God intends. The bible is rich with wisdom with how parents should raise their little ones and I often search out those passages and glean strength from them, as well as listen to sermons and read books on the subject. As I get firmly cemented in the season that is mothering a toddler I am feeling more and more that the Lord is intending a much deeper growth, a fruit far beyond just well behaved, considerate children. And that perhaps a good portion of growth isn’t even intended to reside in my son’s heart but rather my own. My identity and worth should always found in who Jesus says I am and a part of that identity lies in becoming like Him with regard to a willingness to forget self. Becoming a mother (becoming a parent but I can only speak from a mother’s perspective) is really a lesson in shaping one’s self into liquid. A benevolent substance constantly being poured out for the betterment of these new and needy people. Of course a willingness to become such a substance does not come easily.

I remember as I was expecting our first child, growing rounder by the day and all my attentions centering on what mothering I could do for the hiccuping, jabbing, and flipping form just under the surface. Constantly singing, thinking, and praying over this new life. Mothering seemed so peaceful and sweet. Caressing my belly and arranging all his little baby things just so. I look back on that time and wonder at what I was expecting to happen once he finally came out. I for sure still have soft and tender moments with my children……but they don’t sleep all the time! Even the first few months as much as I enjoyed getting to know my little man I could feel the creeping in of a fight the Lord has called me to….which he has called every mother to. The battle over my own sense of entitlement. He has given me His strength and, like everything else I’ve struggled with, has gone before me. I can’t speak for any season beyond mothering an almost 21 month old but I suspect the battle continues in some form though I hope some ground is gained.

more later….

Your Best (eternal) Life Now September 15, 2008

      Jesus, in his “high priestly” prayer to God, his father, begins this way: “Father, the hour has come; glorify thy son, that the son may glorify thee, even as thou gavest him authority over all mankind, that to all whom thou hast given him, he may give eternal life. And this is eternal life, that they may know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent” (John 17:1a-3)  What is Jesus meaning when he says “this is eternal life, that they may know thee”? Isn’t eternal life something that happens when you die? Wouldn’t it just start in heaven since our physical bodies here on earth do indeed die? Why does this verse seem to imply the commencement of our eternal lives at the moment we come to know Jesus?
         I can anticipate that many would see in this verse a threat to their belief that salvation is something that can be lost or walked away from. Because it would not make sense that “eternal” life could begin and then stop, never to begin again. Really, how eternal would that be if I were saved by Jesus for a few months but then decided I really couldn’t keep up the Christian life thing and decided to turn away from Jesus for good. It would be misleading to call that eternal life, but more accurate to call it temporal life, much like our physical lives we live. The argument I could see presented is that eternal life is, as the verse says, to “know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent”, but that we don’t know Jesus and the Father in the way spoken of until we reach heaven. I don’t think that does justice to the context of the verse or the whole of the rest of scripture. Three chapters back in John 14, Jesus says in verse 7- “If you had known me, you would have known my father also; from now on you know him and have seen him.” What sort of a father would you be if you didn’t let your children know you! What sort of bridegroom would you be if you never let your betrothed know you! How could we become more and more like Jesus if we don’t at the same time, know him more and more! So I think it’s safe to say that knowing Jesus happens in THIS life and knowing Jesus is equal to eternal life.
         So many people have a mental disconnect between their idea of what heaven is and who Jesus is. In a very real way, Jesus IS what heaven is! What will make heaven so heavenly (for lack of a better word), is Jesus’ bodily presence, and the things we look forward to so much are only good because Jesus makes them to be so. If the lack of tears and sadness in heaven is a good thing, it’s only because Jesus is there to make it so- “he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Rev. 21:4). If you rejoice over the sun and long for less of our Seattle rain, it is Jesus who will make it so the new Jerusalem “city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine upon it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb.” (Rev. 21:23, Is. 24:23, 60:19-20).  If a place without hunger, thirst, and disease is what you long for, long for it because Jesus himself is and will always be our bread that we live on (John 6:26-58, sp. 48), the water that quenches our thirst (John 4:7-13, 7:37,38, Rev. 21:6), and who heals us in every way see deems fitting (he is our great physician, scripture says). In heaven this water is from his throne, feeding us and water the tree of life of whose fruit we eat, and from whose branches grow healing leaves (Rev.22:1-2, Ezek. 47:1-12)! Eternal life isn’t only what you have waiting for you at the other side of death, it is also what is begun in you when Jesus saves you and you are born again into that new, meaningful, eternal, full, life. Our old bodies having been done away with through death, and our new glorified bodies giving us escape and a final salvation from our “flesh” (or “sin nature” as the NIV Bible puts it).
          When we only long for God’s future and final salvation of our bodies and getting through those pearly gates, we overlook that God is most glorified by us when we’re satisfied in what he gives to us NOW! John Piper communicates this better than anyone I’ve heard in his book “Desiring God”. Towards the end of the last book of the Bible, Revelation, the chapters are used as much of the rest of the book is- as a way to fantasize about the future comfort, luxury, excitement and mystery of heaven. These are only good things if they’re comfort IN CHRIST, luxury of HAVING CHRIST, the excitement of CHRIST’S PRESENCE, and a sense of wonderment at the mystery of CHRIST IN US! We shouldn’t so easily whore out this book as we do by looking for anyone or anything but Jesus in it, but rather see in it what it is so clearly portrayed: Jesus Christ in his glory as the reward of heaven, as the aim of a fruitful life, as the climax of mankind as we know it and the beginning of an everlasting kingdom centered on himself! In sum, he should rightly be seen and worshiped as our life eternal.